Ladiessssss!! Halloween is just around the corner and you all know EXACTLY what that means.
Halloween can be a fun time, but it can also be very stressful! Picking out the perfect costume that is both uncomfortable and completely impractical can be difficult! When I dress up on Halloween I like to be able to act in character as well. How am I supposed to give the heimlich to someone choking on candy corn when I can’t move my arms in fear that my costume will split and my ass will be exposed? How am I supposed to arrest someone for peeing on me when I’m passed out when my naughty cop costume comes with handcuffs that aren’t meant to actually restrain someone?
Let’s face it, I have sex appeal. You can deny it all you want, but I know it to be true because Steve Buscemi once told me to back up. I assumed he meant it in a “back dat us up” way, not in a “move back because you are blocking the elevator” way. Anyway, because I love helping others achieve their maximum hotness potential, I’ve decided to give you all some costume ideas that are sexy, fun, and practical.
Now, I will say some of these photos may get a little racy- what can I say, college was an experimental time for me- but bare with me. You can always adapt these costumes to cover more skin if that makes you more comfortable.
HOT DOG GIRL
I will start with one of the most suggestive costumes due to it’s phallic nature. I don’t know what you’re thinking… but I’m thinking that I look damn delicious.
The men could not get enough of me this night.
I know a very popular women’s costume is a sexy nurse, and if you like this look then boy do I have a treat for you. Ladies, it is 2014, get with the times and dress as a Sexy Doctor! Equality! Here, my friend pulls off the Sexy Dr. Death look better than Dr. Doolittle himself.
Bill Clinton and Walter White were following her around all night.
We all know that dudes dig twins. But nothing gets a guy going more than white-trash, pregnant twins who are holding beers.
Billy Bob Thorton’s wet dream?
NAUGHTY COP PARTNERS WITH THEIR LOYAL CANINE GROUP COSTUME
Here we have a modern take on a classic costume. We see Officer Anna on our left, sexing her costume up with the hip action. Then if you look closely at Officer Sally on the right, you notice the cute mustache. They are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. But throw in a sassy little puppy and you’ve got yourself a group of boner slayers ladies and gentleman.
“Who let the dogs out?”- Baja Men
This one is for the perverts out there. We’ve got your typical play on baby-hot with costumes like Baby Spice and Sexy Cry Baby- but this one truly breaks the mold and I am lucky to have been apart of it.
Disclaimer: Stay away from pedophiles.
I think it’s safe to say that guys love excessive dark eye make up- so if you are going for the sultry look, look no further. Not only is this costume gaureenteed to get a man’s attention, it is also easy to compile through your own wardrobe. All you need is black lipstick, white face powder, 3 black eyeliners, black vans, black fishnets, and a choker- all essentials every woman should have.
Guys love intimidating women.
In this day and age it’s really hard to get a man’s attention AND respect, and that is why I am so glad to have been able to help you get both of those this Halloween. So go out! Get Crazy! Tell people about the book you’re reading! Dance on an elevated surface! Gain a mans respect! Join in on political banter! Black out! Share your interests with someone you usually wouldn’t converse with! And most importantly- be YOU!